Lately I’ve been scrolling through my feed and have seen so many quotes and graphics about what marriage, love, and “a real relationship” should look like, often tagged with #relationshipgoals. Coming from someone who never intended on getting married and had a few delusional ideas myself, can I just say to you, women, those in relationships, and those who desire to be in these fantasized versions of love, that there is hope. And that hope comes from knowing that true love isn’t found and it isn’t (always) dressed up in a military uniform singing you a Bruno Mars song; true love–the real, raw, hurts-so-good kind– is chosen. I post a lot of things about how wonderful my husband is. And trust me, he is. He is everything that I am not: patient, forgiving, understanding, great with directions, and diligent (just to name a few). But can I also say that there are plenty of mornings and afternoons and late nights where I have to CHOOSE to love that man. And I’m not saying this to degrade or disrespect him by any means, because I know that I am much harder love than he will ever be. But when you fall in love with someone, their flaws don’t magically disappear. And neither do yours. In fact, oftentimes, the things I find myself getting upset over in our marriage are just my own insecurities magnified and put on display. It’s never about the fact that he brought home the wrong type of bread; it’s really the fact that now I am deeply convicted in my need to control everything. For those of you who look at those quotes and ads telling you that your marriage or relationship is less than it should be; you’re being lied to. For anyone who sees pictures of happy couples and statuses displaying perfect marriages, know that behind that picture of the long-married couple happily kissing in front of Disney World’s magical castle is A LOT OF WORK. #relationshipgoals. Marriage is the hardest job I’ve ever chosen to do. It’s also the most rewarding. Waking up each morning and choosing to love my husband each day, despite the fact that he left the oven on all night is one choice I’ll never regret making (partially because I’m still alive) but mostly because I know that I’m going to come home into the arms of a man who is choosing to love me, even though I left my wet towel on his side of the bed…again. I feel so incredibly blessed when I think of how God prepared my heart especially for Robert, and even more blessed when I think of all the ways I’m still learning about myself because of this marriage. I know that social media is a place to display the best sides of ourselves, but I feel the need to share this with you today. Would I love to come home one day and see the house covered in roses and suddenly Robert knows how to play guitar and has a voice of a crooner? Sure, ok…yes, that’d be cool. But realistically, we’ve just now reached the stage in our marriage where we don’t feel weird about knowing it wasn’t the dog who farted…so…one step at a time I suppose. Here’s what I know, and it’s not much, but perhaps someone can relate. #Relationshipgoals should look more like praying for your heart to be prepared to choose to love your spouse through all seasons…even the ones that leave your side of the bed a little damp
First Comes Love 